अब से माहौल बदलने लगा

एक दिन जो जैसे सालों बाद आया था
जब सूरज उगा नहीं
जब चाँद ने चांदनी बिखेरने से इनकार कर दिया

उस दिन आपसे मुदस्सर न हुई धडकनें
उस दिन न बरसा नूर आप की आवाजों का

और फिर बस ऐसे ही दिन बनते गए
न आप हैं न आप की खुशबू इस माहौल में
न उम्मीद है की उस हरफ के पीछे से खिलखिलाते आप चले आयेंगे

अब इस माहौल से पोशीदा हूँ मैं
और ये माहौल मेरे चारों तरफ फैलता जाता है

the last rendezvous!!

when we met last, you smiled at me

that stroll by the trees, and the look in your eyes

the tinkle in your giggle, the breeze whispering

and then winds picked up speed

it was a storm,  which hit us in the face

the gust of winds that blew us apart

and i did not know when we met last

that it was the last time i met you

once i was fearless
and conquered the world
since nothing would stop me
when the world changed i changed with it
so the new world would not frighten me again
was a friend with the world, and the world a friend to me

and then, one day, i became slower than the change
the world changed around me
and i did not move

i was afraid in the new world
felt the world had betrayed me
and so began the fight against the world
everything was adversary, everyone a enemy
they all appeared to scheme against me

i fought harder, only to find more enemies all around
i was restless to win
to be surrounded by a world full of friends

and then i killed my friends
since i could no longer see them as friends
and then i was all alone
fighting the entire world
the fiefdom i had kept shrinking
and then one day
when i lost to all
i started fighting myself
cut me bit me chopped me to pieces
i felt i had won
and then the pain came to haunt me
only to know i had killed my self

Bangladesh....part 1- the good part

Consulting is a strange profession - you crib about doing things- and when those things are over you like them...the last couple of projects have been different - i enjoyed doing them as well, and the last of these took me to Dhaka in Bangladesh - so it was good work plus some travel that I so wanted to do ( the other bit being Pakistan where I really want to go - to know the other people)


Well, Dhaka !! just an extension of Calcutta... is the first thing that hits you the moment u get out of the airport - same graffiti on the wall, same people, just this that the cars are very different - no yellow ambassadors :) the car for the hotel pickup was a Toyota Land cruiser!!! in fact- Dhaka is full of Japanese cars - Toyota, Honda and Mitsubishi - all large saloons- too much for a poor country :) (almost all cars are refurbished as told to me later by locals, and its a matter of pride to have a large car - and that s why smaller refurbished car has not takers, new small cars have no takers, and well no other small cars have no takers) - the government is even worse than India- politics overwhelmingly omnipresent in everything, and yet Dhaka has managed to complete feats which we have always backtracked on - Dhaka is a no polythene city - YES - it is maintained as such - and for all the crap heard in Delhi against it remains such - veggies and all stuff is given out in paper bags or nice sweet thread bags...(Too much of democracy of pittance in India - we can not even impress this upon ourself) - the other really nice thing - Dhaka has all private vehicles running on CNG- all autos, cars et all....

Random mumblings

Almost five months after taking the wedding vows, I am a changed man!! or so says, Gopal jee....one of the nice people I know from the old world school of thinking.... (incidently, I am a misplaced concoction - lost between new world and old world ) - i don't really agree


What i do agree to is the fact that things have changed - my house, my job and my life - and so have some of the thoughts and beliefs I lived with all these years - am trying to put some of them into perspective, words don't do justice to the complexities of life though :)

• Marriage isn't demanding - but the way we are born and brought up in life requires us to be nice people to the others around, and others may include wife - and so you start restricting yourself, so that the lady who has moved in leaving her life behind does not face the brunt of your adventurisms -- in my case "Biwi" has been supportive and never said a thing , and YET I have drastically reduced the outings and parties - this is also partially because my office is now 40 km from my house, and half the time I am more happy beating the traffic at rush hour, than plan late evening jists with friends
• A wise friend once told me "don't change three things together - house/city , work and social circle" - in my case the all 3 have badly changed and it shows up - i am still lost like a zombie!

Well, am planning a 15 day vacation sometime in January - February, and just can't seem to finalize the place...help me if you could - initial thoughts - Sri Lanka-Maldives or Bangkok-Cambodia-Vietnam or the north east...any more suggestions - welcome

Reflections

well, here I am again at the blog, after may be the most happening 4 months of my life.....and here are the lessons I learnt while at living it....

1. Its always more fun at other's weddings....ur own is a "smile-till-your-cheek-hurts" affair, when u are made to pose in random ways with your "better half" on stage for the benefit of the photographer, who charges a bomb for clicking your snaps in god-forsaken stupid poses, and then takes forever to deliver the snaps to you - and you while away smiling to strangers while your good friends are giggling and laughing away to all those memories you are a part of....
2. Deciding a menu for your wedding ranks next to "building a red fort and staying in a shanty" experience- 'coz all those tikkas you planned to melt away in your mouth, are sovoured by the guests while you melt away to the glaring hot halogen lights of the videograoher:(
3. After being a staunch votary of love marriage, or atleast know thou beau for all these years, marrying a rank stranger is no difficult thing....in fact it has been "so far so good" approach....it takes away too many unknowns and risks away, and gets you to know one of the best people i have got to know- Snigdha:)
4. if you intend to get married in any time in near future, 
• try finding a job with industry where late stays are not the norm
• plan shifting to a house near your office so you spend least on travel
• find a job where you could work from home (option 3 for me)

I know this is random ramblings, but one thing you end up losing in marriage is "Focus" - with so many things around you changing, its difficult to sit back, channel your thoughts and actually sit and type for long...and so adieu this time around....

and i'll create a new world sans you

for the days i would be deep at sea,
venturing into uncharted waters,
the waves tossing me around
alone in the fog and chill
and when the skies thundered me with storms and lightening
u were there, dear lighthouse, to guide me home

for all those days when i had a huge catch
and the days i returned empty handed
u showered ur light on me
illuminated my way, embraced me in ur light
just to light me up-  away from darkness

when out at sea, i could see u from a distance
knew there was someone waiting for me back there
knew u ll burn urself away in the dark night
so that i could be safe, i could face the seas
i could survive the treacherous fogs

u gave me the courage to venture ahead
in life, go to the deeper seas,
stay out in the dark
and still find my way back fighting the odds
coz i knew u waited there for me
u were my pillar of strength, and the sense of direction in life

and,then today,
i m far from the shore in the deep seas, all alone in the fog and chill
the waves tossing me around
venturing into uncharted waters,

and the skies threatening me with storms and lightening

u seem to have befriended the clouds
they surround you, embrace u
taking ur faint light away from me
i have nowhere to go
i dont know my way back
coz the only direction i rowed to was u
i am lost and wandering
coz the only landmark my life had was u

may be u ll turn ur light off for me
may be the clouds wont let u spreading ur light again
may be i ll never embrace ur light

but i won't go down without a fight
i ll fight the waves tossing me around
i ll fight the skies and thunderstorms
and i ll keep rowing till i m dead or drowned
and may be i'll find a new shore to return to
and i ll be the discoverer
of the new lands
where the seas are calmer, and the clouds not so dark
where fogs go away when i reach the shore
the rocks not so trecherous, and the nights not so dark

dear lighthouse, i ll create a new world,
without you, and be the sea warrior again

The quest of happiness

beyond the mountains
and past that unsurmountable passes
there would be a place
which lies untouched

by the corporate liars that we are
untouched by the luxuries, we should live without, but cannot live without
where the air is not polluted by greed and one-up-manship
where the water is serene and pure

where the beauty is not measured by lowest deep cut blouses
and there's more to admire than skimpy business suits

where time is not dependent on blackberry schedules and outlook calendars
and you are not running for the next tight meeting

when all u meet is nature, beauty and a little bit of you
where the clear skies clean your views.....

Happiness - spelled for now as Sikkim, snow capped , in December....my next destination.....( the following pic made the decision)

Picture Courtesy - http://www.bcmtouring.com/forum/travelogues-east-north-east-india-f64/north-sikkim-switzerland-east-winter-t19019-2/

Together we fall

what we think is what we are,
and then there are those who think different
to each one's own, and we lived like this all the time

its like the rail track, together yet distinct
we base the high speed trains on us, holding the energy and force together
and yet, I was myself, and you were you'
and we were "together yet different"

we traversed the lengths and the world like this,
went up the hills, crossed valleys, and jumped over rivers

and then we decided to cross our paths,
force my thoughts on you, and your thoughts on me
and then it was disaster,
the beauty was in the togetherness, not being one.....

the diwali celebrations of a different type

its the festival of lights, and the world around celebrates
its lit up all over, and the festive sweets are doing the rounds,
the new age wonders - SMS and emails, shower wishes upon you,
the markets are decorated like brides, and houses lit up like the suitable gooms
the smoke and light of fireworks light up the otherwise dark sky with a gray-red bloom

and there, just under the lit up colored showers from the fireworks
was this small kid, in rags, his hair strewn like a hairstyle of his own,
the style or being poor, and the style of being ignorant
ignorant of the festivities around, ignorant of the festival of light
ignorant of the happiness and cheer, since there was no cheer around him

may be he sold candles during the day, with nice packaging
and dared not to save a single one for him, lest it eats up into his profit from the venture

may be he was the florist selling garlands for the gods,
and there then gods had forgotten all about him

may be he slogged his day working for a tyrant lord, who underpaid him for overworking
and the sounds of crackers were just taking a toll on his tired, well deserved sleep

and then and cracker burst, and there was this momentary light, lighting up his face
and there was this small smile, a smirk on the face

the smile said it all - the smirk remarked to me.....
you just lit a match to a cracker which cost more than what i earn in many months.....
but good you did, since i ll get to pick the cardboard boxes you left behind tomorrow
and sell them for pennies, to earn my festivity....
the day when i would have a square meal, by selling the board boxes of fireworks

my diwali comes a day after you are done,
when you throw away the leftovers, i fight with the urchins and dogs to get a flavor of your sweets

loneliness

there are days when the sun shines bright, and the bees and birds chirp all over,
the colors are pastel, and the contrasts amaze;
the sounds of music and chit chats muse into the ears...
and its a world full of frentic activity, me being the center of the universe


and today, the darkness crept over
the birds and bees shied away to their abodes,
the sounds died out into an eerie silence, blach shadows outstripped the pastel colours....


and u realised, center of universe is just another point in the universe

the devil of procastinating

well, it all comes back to haunt you - really :(
the coming months are all about decisions, and the tilting factors are all those things which I have been pushing forward for quite some time - the decisions in terms of a job switch and possible relocation, decisions in terms of figuring out if I should get married (finally) and the decisions in terms of shifting into a new house!!! and now all these are so intertwined into each other that all these decisions are completely messed up, leaving no clarity:( and no decisions:((

Working with the industry has really been disastrous for me, simply because I simply could not adjust to the dramatic change in pace, may be i m not used to working with a Boss( though the superiors here too have provided ample headroom), and the concept of hitting a roadblock just everywhere you try to move, compare it to the consulting - where work was aplenty, and so was creative thinking and independent movement in all directions, here I am starved for work- its so long that good or bad work does not matter any more, and i am confused that people around seem to be able to remain content in such an environment - its important for me to leave this place before I too become too complacent and happy with being unproductive ,and this leads me to the confusion. As they say grass is always green on the other side, and thus I always wanted to get to the industry( like numerous other consulting veterans) to see how dirty can the hands get ( do they really get dirty??), and 6 months into it, i am dying to get out....so the pertinent question is - is the next jump gonna be into the industry or consulting, could not afford to get it wrong again:( the problem here is of plenty- since I have options available at both ends, complicating it further.

Next is Shaadi - Ma is after my life and may be rightly so( if i look at the kids/virility displayed by my friends) - My answer to my mom's emotional tirade - "Main pote ka munh dekhe bina chali jaongi" is simple and straight - "Pota to bina shaadi ke bi ho sakta hai:)" - jokes apart i guess its time to settle down on this front. and then s next set of issues- knowing myself and my ideas of marriage  and companionship - I am NOT cut out for a arranged marriage, and i guess I have little time to fall in love( love at first sight does not exist for me), so here's the moot question - do you procastinate further to find the girl for you, or you simply jump in.

OK - too much of crib for a session.....time to hang up on this sad line of thoughts....Diwali is around the corner, and so wishes to everyone....have a safe and happy diwali

the uncomfortable feeling

have pondered over this even before - what are we running after ( here and here ). and somehow this is the dominant question which is coming back to haunt me again for the last few days. I did talk to a friend a while back about this uncomfortable feeling this week, and somehow i feel that the 2 hour chat just made me even more chiseled off simply because it made me put the hard things in discrete words - in essence making me  accept the things or thoughts i always chose to overlook.

so here's my dilemma - i have managed to reach a coveted position in my life- something others look up to - both professionally (where things speak for themselves), and personally ( well things don't really speak for themselves, but still)...from a material world perspective have done well for myself, have reached a decent spot in career, consider myself one of the luckier people around when it comes to career choices and education. Managed to get a good salary, bought the material possessions - car/house/shares/financial stability - all that people look for, and herein lies the problem - i need a new target now, because in its absence the same targets get rehashed in a bigger way, and come back and haunt you- now i need a bigger car, a bigger house, more money, and an even higher package, i seem to be perennially feeling dissatisfied with my job, what with looking for a fourth switch over a couple of years, with the first seven plus years in just two jobs. the issue seems to be that - these targets have been achieved, and since i could not really think on a different tangent...i am looking at going further along these redundant dimensions. Constant job dis-satisfaction is leading to too much heartburn, the current job is just perfect from a worldly sense- pays awesome, very little work, and great brand and job description, and I AM NOT LIKING IT. when people around ask me- why are you planning to quit, i tell them i don't like it, but do I really know what do I want. perhaps not- which reflects in my next prospective job- I know i do not like the work culture that exists there, but I am still going ahead simply because I want a change and a break, and I am ready to take the risk knowing fully well that I'll quit in less than a year. I am doing this since I feel decently insured for any fallback option  after that 1 year. I know i have another job waiting for me, and therein lies the problem - i am too complacent, too relaxed and too full of myself. It may sound arrogant to the world, yet deep inside me- i know I am not liking it. This is not me, this is not the same relaxed feeling that I had in the first 7 years of my job, then I was at peace with what I was doing, now I am not at peace with myself. Then i knew exactly what  i wanted, now i don't know what am i running after. PERFECT MIRAGE!!!

On a more personal front, I always had a vivid social life- lots of people around, lots of social activity and some great fun in small things. I always maintained ( and close people around me have heard this from me) - i have a lot of acquaintances and a few friends, i use acquaintances and allow friends to use me.  that was my motto in life- always, and i was really proud of the friends league- things have subtly change - the top line remains the same - lots of people around, lots of social activity and some great fun- but the context has changed- the undercurrents different - now i really yearn for the friends i could spend just any amount of time , i can have so much fun with so many people, but I really miss the heart-to-heart easy conversations, lunches and dinners are abound, but i miss the simple "chhole kulche" on a cycle with those friends, all the barista's and CCD and Costa coffees could not add up to a simple "chai" at HCL Manak building or at the Patel Chest crossing chai wala -simply because we now have friends of convenience- put up a status or comment on facebook, forward bulk SMS and emails, and you are friends, whatever happened to endless talks all night, and mindless gup-shap. 

OK ,these are all generic rants- why am I presssing with these ? Simply because these are things or traits I always hated, and the irony is I feel I am getting pushed to becoming the same stereotype i painted above, i know its hypocricy but i am "blogging" these thoughts instead of talking it out to someone in person. and thats the machination in my life that I am not comfortable with, my life is fast becoming an ordinary life - i was not made for the ordinary life, I deserve something special, something exciting - and i have lived the exciting life all these years......call me arrogant, but i will find MY life back so till I find my LIFE BACK, this blog gets the dose of my mind

back after a while

well loooooooooooong since I wrote last, and it has been a real happening time, too many changes, and too many plusses in the last 10 or so months....

on a personal front- new house, new job(and a mind to get out of that too as well), new friends, and finally making up my mind to getting married(still to find the girl though:)- things that were on the plate for long...kind of coming true in a short time.....been one of the better years as far as i could remember....no major hiccups, and i guess i should shut up before "mujhe apni nazar lag jaaye"

I , somehow, have known a lot of people who had a roller-coaster marriage, people who looked like "made for each other" getting undone in no time- and this year added a couple of more very close friends face the music - reasons ranging all the way from extra marital relations to adjustment issues...and everytime i repeat to myself- this does not happen to everyone....some people recouped their lives post a turmoil, others are yet to do that....all i wish is that my friends deserve the best lives (by the virtue of being my friends :)) and their lives should include all those people who matter to them...including their spouses, and I hope I make the correct choice when i come to that , so that I do not go through this rut....AMEN!!!

i know this post is a completely incoherent lost talk,but i guess this is important since I have thought about blogging a lot of times in these days, and have never done that, so in some ways it is the beginning again, and so anything goes. Hopefully the blogging would be a little more regular- given the amount of time I have in my current job

musings mood again

sitting at a dhaba behind my school with a good friend of mine, i had a aloo parantha and egg bhurji for dinner....well for old times sake, and this friend stares at the happy face that i had, and said..."aaj fir kuch nostalgic sa likhega tu blog pe".....well i can not make my friend turn out to be a liar, can I???? so here goes another senti wali post another week, another aimlessly wandering 7 days....since last wednesday --> work followed by awesome dinner with friends, work, allnighter party, drive out of town, little work, work, work followed by nostalgic dinner at a dhaba which goes back 20 years in my life ( the dhaba at refugee market behind my hostel at modern school....some old times)..... days just seem to float past, and each new week, each new day comes back with the same feelings, same old story...high time i changed this pattern.... break free from the shackles, do something different..... way back there was a difficult hindi word that i had learnt - mrigtrishna (mirage), and when i reflect upon the last week capped by the dhaba dinner today...it seems to be the story of my life....that hostel life probably was the age of innocence- of sweet nothings in daily life, of a life sans air conditioners, of a 50 rupee pocketmoney, of cricket sessions in the sun, of simply chatting all night with room-mates, and jumping the school boundary to go get a parantha from the dhaba at 1 in night....there was no hurry, fursat ke din....when we had ambitions, and the urge to achieve them.... when all these sweet nothings had a meaning in everyday life.... that followed engineering, in an era when there were 3 engineering colleges in Delhi-NCR, we were the achievers....cracko.....!!! a job on campus followed by a world tour all paid by the employers under the garb of onsite trips, a stint at IIM where loads of others want to be, a job with a top consulting company, a wallet full of more debit and credit cards that the actual cash i ever carried to the dhaba ( that used to be 3 rupees for an egg paratha, and i carried 5 bucks to the dhaba:)), and at the same dhaba, i was nostalgic, but not happy- not content.....whew.... am i the only cribber, ( i realised that most posts on this blog are cribs) or others feel the same too.....not that I am against parties, against pubs and discs and 5K dinners, but somehow nothing seems to beat the basic parathas n chai on the hostel rooftop....why is it so? even today I want to go higher up in the professional career, and may be i would, I m doing pretty well for myself, I have managed a GOOD(ok people who know me would pounce on me for this) work life balance, and i yearn for a little more.... PS- thank dost, hope u now know why is it called the refugee market, and YES, you were the only girl in refugee market }-)

some feelings are universal.....

was just passing through some of the friend's blogs for the lack of nothing better to do, and then on to their friends, and so on....till i reached a blog, and there was this post on footloosedoll that caught my attention... there are certain themes which run across blogs, a lot of people crib about the life they are into, some sing odes to their love lives, a few people write shakespearean level lingo to convey their thoughts(the themes obviously i could not make out due to the greeko-latin english that people use), and then there is the story of broken hearts, like the one in the post above. Some of the lines from the post are simple super-imposable on just about everyone i know including yours truly, savour this "I want to leave behind all that I remember of you." "And while you’re at it, try to take away this stupid hope I have, that in reality, all this is just a scary dream. I promise you, one day, you will stop mattering. I promise myself, one day, very soon, I’ll start living again"

the words may be different, the thoughts are the same.....and this equally applies to people you called ur friends...."My best friend's wedding" was n;t a joke...and i have seen the best people falter....From the quant classes in MBA, i would really like to understand the probability of a breakup in any randomly picked up relationship....is it so close to 100%, or is it just that the people who are happy and successful with their relationships choose not to display it to the world at large, and so noone ever gets to know...

bleed, my heart, bleed silently....for every sob would bring out more broken hearts out of the closets...

The earth and the sun....too much heat??

there was the sun, which was the center of my universe, which gave me heat, gave me energy...and made sure i would not freeze to death, it initiated the life on the planet, gave the life the support it needed, and then as earth i started evolving....from the freezing isolated sphere of rock, there were green shoots, and more life evolved, there was sound, noise and greenry, the sun still supported the evolution, and - it was the earth in full bloom...life everywhere, lively, and cheerful. until one day, the rays of the sun started penetrating the protective atmosphere with its heat, killing the liveliness....trying to gain the earth again, may be it was bit natural, the earth was in the solar system only, still got its heat, but only now the earth used the heat that it wanted to, the evolution was now for the earth to take forward, and the sun was still the center of the universe....would the sun realize the power it still has on the planets around, but the planets are sustainable, not without the energy of the sun...each planet now has its own orbit, but it still hovers around the sun....would the sun ever understand???

for that peaceful easy feeling

Long time, since i wrote last....blame it on lethargy, and blame it on being busy in spurts.... Lots has happened since last time, and innumerable thoughts crossed my mind, every time i thought that i should write, and then i gave up. Would try to type in as much as i could recall, though the intensity would have subdued:) First and foremost, the Kanwar yatra passing through Delhi, every year, makes me think...we are running after money, material world, flashy cars, more money, high tech mobiles, and then there is this other India, where people are more than happy to walk across 300 kilometers or more over weeks and days, whatever be the religious significance, For us delhi-ites even religion is luxury item....we tend to go to the most flashy temple, where we feel happy about putting in obscene sums in the hundi/daan patra, the pandits judge you by the weight on the thali that you bring in, and the time in front of the idol varies directly with the "chadhawa" that you have offered, we go to temples in cars, and insist on parking the cars right in front of the temple, causing jams, all to please the gods....trying to buy god through money and limited time, and here are loads of people who are trying to please the gods by their own labour, no money, little dikhawa....and we call them old fashioned. these guys actually have 2 weeks of time on their hand to do what they feel is correct, how many of us in the cities have that luxury, for us weekends are shrinking and work hours increasing...we socialise with friends at pubs and discs, these people socialise with people all the way...beat that, and yours truly really wants to go "kanwar yatra" with friends, may be for no religious reason, but to simply have some quality time spent with friends, and may be that 200 km odd walk would do something good for weight loss , than months of gym:) This brings me to the next thought, and we have discussed this at office and among friends as to how we are becoming more and more unsocial, if that is the correct word. Every one i meet or talk to( OK - my age group +/- 5 years) seems to crib that the world has got more digitised now....more materialistic, we were kids and played badminton at nights, vish amrit, chain chain, and school cricket with paper and polythene balls....we played with no tools, just games out of nowhere, all you had to get was to catch hold of 2 or more people from your locality, parks were full of kids, and we knew the kids staying on the other extreme of the colony....you knew everyone, who ran fast, who studied where, and who had the maximum number of comics, and the best bats. now the kids play video games, chat on the computer, watch movies and that's the end of it, parents don't send kids to parks...or at best allow them to play the elite game of cricket. Till around 10 years back, rakhi and independence day used to all about kites....now its about sales and malls and movies, it used to be evening walks and parents taking kids to parks in the morning and evening, now its TV and saas bahu soaps, the only broken glass and window pane that you see is in TV ads.....and i have a serious question to all who read this post....don't you want to get back to those simpler times, i know money is important, but money is turning all of us into an endless rat race.....i love watching movies in multiplexes with tickets worth 200 bucks each, but the charm of actually standing in line for a 6.50 ticket at Priya was priceless.....we can buy almost everything everywhere, but you could not get the pleasure of being the last one running in the chain game, surrounded by chains of people everywhere, and laughing merrily at the person who was pulled by the chain, the weakest link, breaking off just before the other end of the chain caught you..... so how does this crib session fit into the marriage thing, well i really need to have a partner, who could enjoy the simpler things in life, as much as she could relish the materialistic world. someone who could go street shopping with me with equal ease as in a mall. someone who would not mind a drive into leh, only to fly back business class.....someone who could dream big, but with her feet to the ground, and her hand in my hand...... getting mushy, and also getting lethargic, now i would try and jot down things as they happen, so expect more posts here...till then, adieu!!

Picture - the Tranquil hills at Lansdowne, End June, The trip that made me even more city-hater

The story of my life....

Thanks to kid for sharing this on facebook.....Somehow the scrip says it all

Credit/Source : http://www.ice-tray.net/

Musings on Religion

The other day, there was a discussion about religion and the babas in the office, and i felt it may be a good idea to pen(ok, type:) my thoughts here. Well, the census of India and my passport says that I belong to the religion- Hindu. I take pride in being a hindu, i do believe in god, but i may not be a devout hindu by the scale of worshipping. I may be a hindu by the way of life, and that is the major characterstic of hinduism - the concept of dharma. All other religions that you could think of, have been initiated by god's incarnataions, there was one preacher. They were defined in a certain manner and listed out the do's and don't of the world. You had to do so and so to be a good person of the faith. The only religions that i could make out, which do not point to a single preacher are hinduism, jewish and Zoroastrian( i hope i spelled it right- that's parsee for us). Well, the amazing point about hinduism is that it has not only retained its unique way of life, it has grown to become the third largest followership in the world- whereas parsees today are a dying breed, and Jewish influence is limited to a small around 50 million followers( that too by lineant estimates). This is what makes me proud to be a hindu- noone told me what to do, what not to do, and the concpet of right and wrong was open to people's understanding subject to a overarching guideline- that follow your karma , and the goods would follow. HInduism is not about amassing hordes of things , its about "Tyaag" or giving up the worldly pleasures. We have had saints and other interpreters whose control amuses not just the foreigners but also some of us worldly indians. And then here comes the twist in the tale- why are we so hellbent upon ruining the religion or the way of life that is the identity of all of us. WHy do we need baba's and sant's of all hues and cries, trying to tell us what to do and what not to do. IN the hindu scheme of things saint's ar ethe people who are away from worldly gains, then why do these baba's go out flying in the business class, and then travelling on SUV's to the remote places where massive tents have been laid, trying to convince people about the afterlives. Inka Tyaag kahan hai??? and who are they to interfere in my religious lives which is very personal to me. And i love when these baba's open social service institutes, saying that they marry poor girls, teach kids et al- appreciated, but then where does the need to have precious real estate for ashrams come in? why do they need to pay the sadhna and astha channels of the world, to get a prime slot, so that they could pass their messages to more unsuspecting people. And then there are my favorite religious fanatics who claim that the religion is under threat from other religions- excuse me- you guys never cared for the lower classes, and when they convert you are worried. Bhai aapne unhe pehle to hindu nahi samajha tha, ab itna pyaar kyun. My religion says that "har jeev mein atma hai, jo parmatma ka ansh hai" then why kill any one else, they are the same jeevs, they have the same atma and the same ansh of parmatma. they only believe in another god-so what?? why kill them in riots and otherwise. One of my good friends from office had the penchant of being vocally anti muslim, since they are out to eradicate hindus and india. And he had no dearth of the academicians from the hindu side of things to show the data and arguments for it. And he always maintained that that is the correct view of things, i don't and we always had arguments on his facebook profile on the articles he posted. The third category that really pisses me off are the devout everyday religious zealots. people who love to spend hours together in poje, running from one of the temples to another, and then go out in their daily routine screwing up the lives of people around them by their actions, and then go to the ganga and jamuna of the world to wash away their sins. All temples in delhi are full of these, people who would drive a luxury car to the temple since they could not walk that 200 m to the temple, wearing the heavy gold chains with kurta pajamas bribing the pundit a 500 rupee note, and then drive back possibly hitting and spanking a poor rickshaw wala on the way. Looting poor people through their overpriced businesses, and then earning "punya" by the way of a langar on amavasya. I remember the time when we were in the US, and had gone out to a road trip to pittsberg, one of my friends was bent upon visiting every single temple in the town( ok, there are close to 5 temples there that we knew of) and leaving out the other parts of the town in our itineary. when asked why he wants to do it his answer was "mandir jaane se shanti milti hai dil ko" to which my remark was " agar ek mandir jaane se shanti nahi mili to 5 mein ja ke bhi nahi milegi", and then he wasa quiet for some time and then roared back " main jaoonga, tu kar le jo karna hai"....so much for dil ki shanti and worship. To the dismay of the centrists, i am a Narendra Modi fan, not since during his regime people were killed, they should not have, and we are still getting flak for it, but because he did what his dharma wanted him to do, he has made life better for people in his state, and that is what a true hindu should be doing, doing his tasks better and in best possible way. I do not know when he goes to temples, whether he does or not, (surprisingly indian media does not seem to be interested in that), compared to say a Lalu Yadav, who turned vegetarian when "lord Shiva" ordered him to be (some shradha towards shiva)and then screwed up some 80 million people in Bihar. THat is my view about religion. and why just politics, such examples are abound in almost all areas of life. Too much for the things I do not like, what i like about my religion is simple- It does not stop me from doing anything as long as i do not step on some one else. So you could have hindus who eat meat and chicken, and other who do not even eat onion and garlic. Its their belief and they could live with it. People would get drunk to hell on alcohol, and then remain a teetotaller. There are 33 crore gods and goddesses, and so its to each person their own, you could worship god in your own ways-katha, aarti, meditation, mantras, and anything and everything you wish, for me it is simple remembering god once a day for a minute or a split second. Any god would do, or simply any thought would do.