The book of accounts of relationships

Somewhere in the last few days, there have been a lot of happenings around me, since i posted last.

And then - a new job, a new house, and some new friends and acquaintances. And a new start with all these. In the interactions with this new set of people, one question which kept coming back to me is simple enough- if we really appreciate a set of people- do we actually keep a tab of "what s/he did to me" and "why did s/he not do this"?
I always maintained a differetial set of people around - People I use ( and I call them acquaintances) and people I get used by and vice versa( and I call them my friends), and for me the distinction is very clear- with friends I do not get into accounting for credits and debits of good and bad deeds. Since these people have reached the criteria of being my friends, they are above all these. The special people in my life come into this set, and I never had and never would(hopefully) question their intentions.
For the other set- keep them in good humor, do what is necessary to keep the acquaintance going, and then that's it. May be there is an inherent account here, but not on actuals. So I would probably "return favours" once in a while.
I assume, most people around me would have a similar distiction for themselves- the boudaries may differ, but the concept does not.
However, What astonishes me is that there are people who actually keep tabs on the special people- more so for the special people. And , may be that is why according to a friend of mine "a lot of changes happen to the girl of your dreams once you get married, all things which were acceptable before shaadi, simply become bones of contention after that".

Not sure if this is the best way to correlate what is happening to this close couple's relationship. Best of friends for a long time, now they fight over everything. Fingers are pointed, cribs flying to and fro, and short tempers frowning.
I recall there was a law in nuclear physics that we studied in school- something to do with molecular attraction ( do not remeber the exact name though) which basically said " Two molecular particles like electron and photon get strongly attracted to each other, and start moving closer to each other, when at a certain close distance they start repelling each other" and there was some fancy formula for this equation, at which repulsion would occur. I wonder if a similar formula does not occur in real life.

On the sidelines- here's another propellent of the "old school of love" - Devi Kiran , read this and couldn't agree more!!!

the devil of procastinating

well, it all comes back to haunt you - really :(
the coming months are all about decisions, and the tilting factors are all those things which I have been pushing forward for quite some time - the decisions in terms of a job switch and possible relocation, decisions in terms of figuring out if I should get married (finally) and the decisions in terms of shifting into a new house!!! and now all these are so intertwined into each other that all these decisions are completely messed up, leaving no clarity:( and no decisions:((

Working with the industry has really been disastrous for me, simply because I simply could not adjust to the dramatic change in pace, may be i m not used to working with a Boss( though the superiors here too have provided ample headroom), and the concept of hitting a roadblock just everywhere you try to move, compare it to the consulting - where work was aplenty, and so was creative thinking and independent movement in all directions, here I am starved for work- its so long that good or bad work does not matter any more, and i am confused that people around seem to be able to remain content in such an environment - its important for me to leave this place before I too become too complacent and happy with being unproductive ,and this leads me to the confusion. As they say grass is always green on the other side, and thus I always wanted to get to the industry( like numerous other consulting veterans) to see how dirty can the hands get ( do they really get dirty??), and 6 months into it, i am dying to get out....so the pertinent question is - is the next jump gonna be into the industry or consulting, could not afford to get it wrong again:( the problem here is of plenty- since I have options available at both ends, complicating it further.

Next is Shaadi - Ma is after my life and may be rightly so( if i look at the kids/virility displayed by my friends) - My answer to my mom's emotional tirade - "Main pote ka munh dekhe bina chali jaongi" is simple and straight - "Pota to bina shaadi ke bi ho sakta hai:)" - jokes apart i guess its time to settle down on this front. and then s next set of issues- knowing myself and my ideas of marriage  and companionship - I am NOT cut out for a arranged marriage, and i guess I have little time to fall in love( love at first sight does not exist for me), so here's the moot question - do you procastinate further to find the girl for you, or you simply jump in.

OK - too much of crib for a session.....time to hang up on this sad line of thoughts....Diwali is around the corner, and so wishes to everyone....have a safe and happy diwali

The Theory of Relationships....

a few days i had posted(OK- copy pasted) from footloosedoll, about the pain of separating/break-up/letting go of someone you loved for dearly, last evening stumbled upon this. Similar line of thought....

In management - especially marketing courses we had these product lifecycle curves.....they start slowly, grow , and finally decline....

Somehow the relationship cycles are similar in nature, OK i know, a lot of people who are in love/relationships right now (really, or is it an infatuation??) would not agree to my theory of relationships life cycle...but may be would once they are on the leeward side of the curve Well, most posts mentioned above are from people who are at the extreme right end of the curve....they have been through a relationship, see sawed through the ups and downs, and are now feeling dumped at the other end. This is the basis of my now presented - "Theory of relationships" . All non-blood opposite sex relationships in the age bracket of 15-40 could be explained by the theory......don't believe me, read on The left part of the curve as shown above is like really something everyone knows....what with almost everyone i know having been through 1- Love affairs/romantic relationships

2- good friends/buddies/platonic relationships ( whether they exist in absolute terms or not is a different question altogether)

3- Arranged marriage mode/courtship period ; etc

however in each of these modes.....what really happens is this ( this is the consulting mind at its best....life through 3X4 matrix...he he }-)) ,

And now for the symptoms of each of these matrix elements

A1 - the most happening of the lot, in many cases this is the shortest period, sample this

He - will u be friends with me?

She - SLAP (scenario 1)/ (shyly) (smile) eh-huh-yes

Alternately ( the long route, also shared with the A2 phase) -

He ( sitting in canteen/bus/local train) (staring into oblivion from where the girl would emerge) sigh!!! ( for the first 3 months ) followed by sharing class notes/office work( people from IT industry would relate to this)/smiling shyly when meeting with group of common friends. 6 months later, the togetherness grows into the B1/B2 phase.

B1 - the most awesome phase in a life of relationship. movies. long drives, unending phone calls, gifts, flowers, whispering on the phone, blank calls( a relic of the long gone by time when we only had landlines, and the girl's mom/dad/brother/sister picked up the phone) - the time when u know all about the girls likings, remember about the blue orchid that the girl praised at a friends birthday party, and you decide to blow up all your pocketmoney/more "Udhaar" to gift her the blue orchids bouquet on valentines/college passout day/last day in office....u agree to buy and wear a red polka dots jacket since the lady in question thinks you look awesome in it, (while everyone else around including your street dog barks against it), u never think twice about flipping out your credit card in a shopping spree with the girl, at the expensive coffee shops et al, and only think twice ( and thrice and n number of times) when ur card bill finally comes in...."bhaiya ye paisa kahan se chukaoonga main......???". In most cases the near sightedness keep growing in the phase until u have lost track of all friends and the only thing that you could look at is the lady in question. There are certain catalysts to the buildup phase, which lead to immidiate target market capture - things like outstation trips/onsite trips together, driving back on a bike in rain, accidently barging into the girls room when she has just come back from washing her hair ( the evergreen scene is residential colleges/IIT/IIMs etc), kisses n hugs, the first time the girl shared some of her most intimate secrets soaked with tears, and the guy offered his shoulder/shirt to wipe them away....even more effective is the kissing away the tears from the cheeks sequence (some cheek some guys have....eh:))

In most case the delineation of the current growth phase end is in bed, when the relationship life cycle reaches the zenith....the guy is on top of the world, and the girl overwhelmed with the gifts/attention/affection she is showered with. ( Corollary of the theory of relationships - if people do not agree to the theory, they have not yet reached the zenith, as what goes up also come down - As newton's law of gravity prophesised)

TO BE CONTINUED.....

Musings on Religion

The other day, there was a discussion about religion and the babas in the office, and i felt it may be a good idea to pen(ok, type:) my thoughts here. Well, the census of India and my passport says that I belong to the religion- Hindu. I take pride in being a hindu, i do believe in god, but i may not be a devout hindu by the scale of worshipping. I may be a hindu by the way of life, and that is the major characterstic of hinduism - the concept of dharma. All other religions that you could think of, have been initiated by god's incarnataions, there was one preacher. They were defined in a certain manner and listed out the do's and don't of the world. You had to do so and so to be a good person of the faith. The only religions that i could make out, which do not point to a single preacher are hinduism, jewish and Zoroastrian( i hope i spelled it right- that's parsee for us). Well, the amazing point about hinduism is that it has not only retained its unique way of life, it has grown to become the third largest followership in the world- whereas parsees today are a dying breed, and Jewish influence is limited to a small around 50 million followers( that too by lineant estimates). This is what makes me proud to be a hindu- noone told me what to do, what not to do, and the concpet of right and wrong was open to people's understanding subject to a overarching guideline- that follow your karma , and the goods would follow. HInduism is not about amassing hordes of things , its about "Tyaag" or giving up the worldly pleasures. We have had saints and other interpreters whose control amuses not just the foreigners but also some of us worldly indians. And then here comes the twist in the tale- why are we so hellbent upon ruining the religion or the way of life that is the identity of all of us. WHy do we need baba's and sant's of all hues and cries, trying to tell us what to do and what not to do. IN the hindu scheme of things saint's ar ethe people who are away from worldly gains, then why do these baba's go out flying in the business class, and then travelling on SUV's to the remote places where massive tents have been laid, trying to convince people about the afterlives. Inka Tyaag kahan hai??? and who are they to interfere in my religious lives which is very personal to me. And i love when these baba's open social service institutes, saying that they marry poor girls, teach kids et al- appreciated, but then where does the need to have precious real estate for ashrams come in? why do they need to pay the sadhna and astha channels of the world, to get a prime slot, so that they could pass their messages to more unsuspecting people. And then there are my favorite religious fanatics who claim that the religion is under threat from other religions- excuse me- you guys never cared for the lower classes, and when they convert you are worried. Bhai aapne unhe pehle to hindu nahi samajha tha, ab itna pyaar kyun. My religion says that "har jeev mein atma hai, jo parmatma ka ansh hai" then why kill any one else, they are the same jeevs, they have the same atma and the same ansh of parmatma. they only believe in another god-so what?? why kill them in riots and otherwise. One of my good friends from office had the penchant of being vocally anti muslim, since they are out to eradicate hindus and india. And he had no dearth of the academicians from the hindu side of things to show the data and arguments for it. And he always maintained that that is the correct view of things, i don't and we always had arguments on his facebook profile on the articles he posted. The third category that really pisses me off are the devout everyday religious zealots. people who love to spend hours together in poje, running from one of the temples to another, and then go out in their daily routine screwing up the lives of people around them by their actions, and then go to the ganga and jamuna of the world to wash away their sins. All temples in delhi are full of these, people who would drive a luxury car to the temple since they could not walk that 200 m to the temple, wearing the heavy gold chains with kurta pajamas bribing the pundit a 500 rupee note, and then drive back possibly hitting and spanking a poor rickshaw wala on the way. Looting poor people through their overpriced businesses, and then earning "punya" by the way of a langar on amavasya. I remember the time when we were in the US, and had gone out to a road trip to pittsberg, one of my friends was bent upon visiting every single temple in the town( ok, there are close to 5 temples there that we knew of) and leaving out the other parts of the town in our itineary. when asked why he wants to do it his answer was "mandir jaane se shanti milti hai dil ko" to which my remark was " agar ek mandir jaane se shanti nahi mili to 5 mein ja ke bhi nahi milegi", and then he wasa quiet for some time and then roared back " main jaoonga, tu kar le jo karna hai"....so much for dil ki shanti and worship. To the dismay of the centrists, i am a Narendra Modi fan, not since during his regime people were killed, they should not have, and we are still getting flak for it, but because he did what his dharma wanted him to do, he has made life better for people in his state, and that is what a true hindu should be doing, doing his tasks better and in best possible way. I do not know when he goes to temples, whether he does or not, (surprisingly indian media does not seem to be interested in that), compared to say a Lalu Yadav, who turned vegetarian when "lord Shiva" ordered him to be (some shradha towards shiva)and then screwed up some 80 million people in Bihar. THat is my view about religion. and why just politics, such examples are abound in almost all areas of life. Too much for the things I do not like, what i like about my religion is simple- It does not stop me from doing anything as long as i do not step on some one else. So you could have hindus who eat meat and chicken, and other who do not even eat onion and garlic. Its their belief and they could live with it. People would get drunk to hell on alcohol, and then remain a teetotaller. There are 33 crore gods and goddesses, and so its to each person their own, you could worship god in your own ways-katha, aarti, meditation, mantras, and anything and everything you wish, for me it is simple remembering god once a day for a minute or a split second. Any god would do, or simply any thought would do.

Some Good Readings

The last year or so has been different in the way that I started getting into reading blogs and opinions on the web a lot more than earlier, and this has given me a different insight into the information that is generally not available or is distorted in the media. Blogs definitely are a good media to understand the undercurrents of the society that we live in, or the places we want to know about. The discussions that these blogs generate as comments is another indicator of the emotions that the particular issues evokes among people who are on the opposite side of the discussions. A few of the blogs that I have read, and commented on are from different genres, and I would like to share them on my blog so that i could do my bit in order to spread the word. These are from different areas of interests, and they may or may not be the best available writers or blogs on the particular subject, yet i read them more or less regularly, and appreciate the points of view raised in these (i may not agree to them though) The reviews about the blogs are purely my own, and i am not too sure about the IPR issues , if any of these blog owners feel offended because of what i write here, please mail me and i would delete the portions. OK, so here goes, the first set of blogs are about Kashmir. I have had some fascination for kashmir for some time, one since my roommates in school hostel were from Kashmir, muslims from Srinagar and Anantnag districts, and then I had a good friend in college who was a Kashmiri Pandit, and again a good friend at my workplace, another kAshmiri Pandit boy, who finally got married to a kashmiri pandit girl, he met in a refugee camp in Jammu....(now that's a romantic fairy tale)....and so when i started reading non fiction, many of these books were about kashmir....i remember, there were multiple books from MJ Akbar, Bashrat Pir, Karan Singh, Sheikh Abdullah, and numerous others, and i did have heated discussions with people all over the place about them. I have personally been to Kashmir- once to Srinagar for a marriage in the heart of old srinagar, the hotbed of anti india feelings, and next to Amarnath, staying enroute at Srinagar, sonmarg, Pahal gaam, and anantnag, where the idea was to meet as many people as i could than the pilgrimage. ANyways there is this blog from Koshur I read is often, and do comment on them too. I have had discussions and arguments with Koshur and others from the Kashmir side of opinions, and then there are regulars who post the iNdian view. THe discussions range from emotional diatribes, to logical reasoning and outright religious fights, but the fact is it gives an amazing view of things from a Kashmiri viewpoint which is not very evident otherwise. There are other blogs too, but then they range from outright propaganda about atrocities in kashmir(similar in concept to what is blamed a lot on indian media), and the rest about poetics and pain. THere is another blog from Saadat which is not very regular but nonetheless very enriching. More on these blogs in detail later. There are more blogs about Pakistan that I read- one called Fiverupees there is another one called CHUP - changing up pakistan, and then there is this website called Global voices online which acts as a consolidator of blogs from around the world. Well, for all we know, these blogs may not be representative of the actual mindset of people, sinc efor a place like Kashmir or Pakistan , people who blog are going to be the educated elite with access to PC and internet and english knowledge (compared to poor poeple in these places who can nto even have two square meals), yet they are better than the impersonal reporting that news and formal media reports. Again these blogs have an uncanny capability to ould opinions of the people who rely on these blogs for the situation on the ground.And that makes the authority of the blog owners a little important. I know that this post is vastly different from whatever has been posted on this blog(well this is more serious, if you believe me). I would try and write about anything that is top of my mind on a particular day. Mera blog hai bhai :)