एक रईस  था मैं
दरख्तों भरा बगीचा था
हर एक पेड़ खून पसीने से सींचा था
एक ख़ुशी का आलम था , और
चहचाहट थी खुशियों की
अकेला था पर गम न था कोई

फिर आप दिखे एक मोड़ पर मुझे
अपनी मस्ती में खिलखिलाते हुए
न जाने क्यूँ समझा मैं की साथ की जरूरत है मुझे
साथ देने को आपका उस खुशनुमा बाग से निकल कर धुप में

साथ रहे  सड़कों पर हम
जब कुछ नहीं था पास हमारे
आलम था गरीबी का फिर भी
उस साथ पर फक्र था हमें
हर लम्हे की ख़ुशी लेते रहे तुम और हम खिलखिलाना ही देखते रहे

आज बहुत कुछ पा  लिया तुमने ,
तो अब ये साथ सालता है
गुरूर है तुम्हे उस रईसी का आज
आज येही साथ काट खाता है तुम्हे
आगे बढ़ गए तुम उस धुप से

मेरे उस दरख़्त पर अब किसी और का बाशिंदा है
धुप में जलते पैरों के साथ
आगे बढ़ता जाऊँगा मैं अकेले ही
फिर एक बग़ीचा बनेगा सूखी ज़मीन से
सबक दिया है मुझे ज़िन्दगी का तुमने
इस सबक को भूल न पाऊँगा

बिन शब्दों जो कहना चाहता था तुमसे

जब बरखा की वो बूँदें गिरती थी सूखे पत्तों पर

पत्ते खिल उठते थे हरे भरे से 

कभी न कुछ कहा उन बूंदों ने 

सिर्फ एक स्पर्श बहुत था ये बताने को

कि बूंदों को प्यार है इस धरा से 

धरा कि हर सूखी पत्ती से

जब नदी ने सागर को समर्पित किया था खुद को -

जब अस्तित्व मिटा कर खो गयी थी सागर में, 

कुछ भी न कहा था उस नदी ने खुद को खो कर भी 

यूं भी कोई शब्द बयाँ न कर पाता उस समर्पण को

यूं तो हैं कोटि शब्द उस शब्दावली में 

लेकिन उनके कंधे पे सर रख के रोने में वो सुकून है 

जो उन लाखों शब्दों के ढेर में नहीं मिलता -

नवजात शिशु की बंद पलकों संग , बंधी मुठ्ठी में 

माँ की ऊँगली पकड़ते प्रेम को किस शब्द में बयाँ कर पायेगी शब्दावली

जब शब्द नहीं कह सकते मेरे अंतर्मन की पीड़ा 

नहीं जता सकते इस ह्रदय का प्रेम

उस मुहब्बत की जुबान नहीं बन सकते

तो क्यूँ शब्दों की दुहाई देते हैं वो मुझे

कुछ न कहा मैंने कभी 

तो आँखों की ख़ामोशी का क्या कोई मोल नहीं

हर स्पर्श क्या नहीं कह जाता था हाल ए दिल तुम से---

न जाने क्यूँ वो एहसास न समझ पाए तुम

न जाने इन शब्दों का भी क्या अर्थ हो

पर चाहता हूँ, इन शब्दों में छुपे 

उस प्यार को समझाने में तुम समर्थ हो 

Reflections

well, here I am again at the blog, after may be the most happening 4 months of my life.....and here are the lessons I learnt while at living it....

1. Its always more fun at other's weddings....ur own is a "smile-till-your-cheek-hurts" affair, when u are made to pose in random ways with your "better half" on stage for the benefit of the photographer, who charges a bomb for clicking your snaps in god-forsaken stupid poses, and then takes forever to deliver the snaps to you - and you while away smiling to strangers while your good friends are giggling and laughing away to all those memories you are a part of....
2. Deciding a menu for your wedding ranks next to "building a red fort and staying in a shanty" experience- 'coz all those tikkas you planned to melt away in your mouth, are sovoured by the guests while you melt away to the glaring hot halogen lights of the videograoher:(
3. After being a staunch votary of love marriage, or atleast know thou beau for all these years, marrying a rank stranger is no difficult thing....in fact it has been "so far so good" approach....it takes away too many unknowns and risks away, and gets you to know one of the best people i have got to know- Snigdha:)
4. if you intend to get married in any time in near future, 
• try finding a job with industry where late stays are not the norm
• plan shifting to a house near your office so you spend least on travel
• find a job where you could work from home (option 3 for me)

I know this is random ramblings, but one thing you end up losing in marriage is "Focus" - with so many things around you changing, its difficult to sit back, channel your thoughts and actually sit and type for long...and so adieu this time around....

and i'll create a new world sans you

for the days i would be deep at sea,
venturing into uncharted waters,
the waves tossing me around
alone in the fog and chill
and when the skies thundered me with storms and lightening
u were there, dear lighthouse, to guide me home

for all those days when i had a huge catch
and the days i returned empty handed
u showered ur light on me
illuminated my way, embraced me in ur light
just to light me up-  away from darkness

when out at sea, i could see u from a distance
knew there was someone waiting for me back there
knew u ll burn urself away in the dark night
so that i could be safe, i could face the seas
i could survive the treacherous fogs

u gave me the courage to venture ahead
in life, go to the deeper seas,
stay out in the dark
and still find my way back fighting the odds
coz i knew u waited there for me
u were my pillar of strength, and the sense of direction in life

and,then today,
i m far from the shore in the deep seas, all alone in the fog and chill
the waves tossing me around
venturing into uncharted waters,

and the skies threatening me with storms and lightening

u seem to have befriended the clouds
they surround you, embrace u
taking ur faint light away from me
i have nowhere to go
i dont know my way back
coz the only direction i rowed to was u
i am lost and wandering
coz the only landmark my life had was u

may be u ll turn ur light off for me
may be the clouds wont let u spreading ur light again
may be i ll never embrace ur light

but i won't go down without a fight
i ll fight the waves tossing me around
i ll fight the skies and thunderstorms
and i ll keep rowing till i m dead or drowned
and may be i'll find a new shore to return to
and i ll be the discoverer
of the new lands
where the seas are calmer, and the clouds not so dark
where fogs go away when i reach the shore
the rocks not so trecherous, and the nights not so dark

dear lighthouse, i ll create a new world,
without you, and be the sea warrior again

if Wishes come true

if wishes were horses,
i would have rode it all around, to know what to wish for
gallop the distances to know what is the best in the world,
and then wish for the same

if wishes were a flying carpet
i would fly over the world, the mountains and the valleys
the depths of green jungles, and the height of clouds
and see where is the heaven, and wish to be there

if wishes were an alchemist
i would touch all around me, turning it in to gold
and be the richest person ever, with gold all around me

if wishes were being together,
i wished all my friends would be with me
my family forever, all the pleasures in the world surround me

if wishes were to come true
i'll simply wish for you
and then together, we'll make all other wishes come true

loneliness

there are days when the sun shines bright, and the bees and birds chirp all over,
the colors are pastel, and the contrasts amaze;
the sounds of music and chit chats muse into the ears...
and its a world full of frentic activity, me being the center of the universe


and today, the darkness crept over
the birds and bees shied away to their abodes,
the sounds died out into an eerie silence, blach shadows outstripped the pastel colours....


and u realised, center of universe is just another point in the universe

the uncomfortable feeling

have pondered over this even before - what are we running after ( here and here ). and somehow this is the dominant question which is coming back to haunt me again for the last few days. I did talk to a friend a while back about this uncomfortable feeling this week, and somehow i feel that the 2 hour chat just made me even more chiseled off simply because it made me put the hard things in discrete words - in essence making me  accept the things or thoughts i always chose to overlook.

so here's my dilemma - i have managed to reach a coveted position in my life- something others look up to - both professionally (where things speak for themselves), and personally ( well things don't really speak for themselves, but still)...from a material world perspective have done well for myself, have reached a decent spot in career, consider myself one of the luckier people around when it comes to career choices and education. Managed to get a good salary, bought the material possessions - car/house/shares/financial stability - all that people look for, and herein lies the problem - i need a new target now, because in its absence the same targets get rehashed in a bigger way, and come back and haunt you- now i need a bigger car, a bigger house, more money, and an even higher package, i seem to be perennially feeling dissatisfied with my job, what with looking for a fourth switch over a couple of years, with the first seven plus years in just two jobs. the issue seems to be that - these targets have been achieved, and since i could not really think on a different tangent...i am looking at going further along these redundant dimensions. Constant job dis-satisfaction is leading to too much heartburn, the current job is just perfect from a worldly sense- pays awesome, very little work, and great brand and job description, and I AM NOT LIKING IT. when people around ask me- why are you planning to quit, i tell them i don't like it, but do I really know what do I want. perhaps not- which reflects in my next prospective job- I know i do not like the work culture that exists there, but I am still going ahead simply because I want a change and a break, and I am ready to take the risk knowing fully well that I'll quit in less than a year. I am doing this since I feel decently insured for any fallback option  after that 1 year. I know i have another job waiting for me, and therein lies the problem - i am too complacent, too relaxed and too full of myself. It may sound arrogant to the world, yet deep inside me- i know I am not liking it. This is not me, this is not the same relaxed feeling that I had in the first 7 years of my job, then I was at peace with what I was doing, now I am not at peace with myself. Then i knew exactly what  i wanted, now i don't know what am i running after. PERFECT MIRAGE!!!

On a more personal front, I always had a vivid social life- lots of people around, lots of social activity and some great fun in small things. I always maintained ( and close people around me have heard this from me) - i have a lot of acquaintances and a few friends, i use acquaintances and allow friends to use me.  that was my motto in life- always, and i was really proud of the friends league- things have subtly change - the top line remains the same - lots of people around, lots of social activity and some great fun- but the context has changed- the undercurrents different - now i really yearn for the friends i could spend just any amount of time , i can have so much fun with so many people, but I really miss the heart-to-heart easy conversations, lunches and dinners are abound, but i miss the simple "chhole kulche" on a cycle with those friends, all the barista's and CCD and Costa coffees could not add up to a simple "chai" at HCL Manak building or at the Patel Chest crossing chai wala -simply because we now have friends of convenience- put up a status or comment on facebook, forward bulk SMS and emails, and you are friends, whatever happened to endless talks all night, and mindless gup-shap. 

OK ,these are all generic rants- why am I presssing with these ? Simply because these are things or traits I always hated, and the irony is I feel I am getting pushed to becoming the same stereotype i painted above, i know its hypocricy but i am "blogging" these thoughts instead of talking it out to someone in person. and thats the machination in my life that I am not comfortable with, my life is fast becoming an ordinary life - i was not made for the ordinary life, I deserve something special, something exciting - and i have lived the exciting life all these years......call me arrogant, but i will find MY life back so till I find my LIFE BACK, this blog gets the dose of my mind

The Theory of Relationships....

a few days i had posted(OK- copy pasted) from footloosedoll, about the pain of separating/break-up/letting go of someone you loved for dearly, last evening stumbled upon this. Similar line of thought....

In management - especially marketing courses we had these product lifecycle curves.....they start slowly, grow , and finally decline....

Somehow the relationship cycles are similar in nature, OK i know, a lot of people who are in love/relationships right now (really, or is it an infatuation??) would not agree to my theory of relationships life cycle...but may be would once they are on the leeward side of the curve Well, most posts mentioned above are from people who are at the extreme right end of the curve....they have been through a relationship, see sawed through the ups and downs, and are now feeling dumped at the other end. This is the basis of my now presented - "Theory of relationships" . All non-blood opposite sex relationships in the age bracket of 15-40 could be explained by the theory......don't believe me, read on The left part of the curve as shown above is like really something everyone knows....what with almost everyone i know having been through 1- Love affairs/romantic relationships

2- good friends/buddies/platonic relationships ( whether they exist in absolute terms or not is a different question altogether)

3- Arranged marriage mode/courtship period ; etc

however in each of these modes.....what really happens is this ( this is the consulting mind at its best....life through 3X4 matrix...he he }-)) ,

And now for the symptoms of each of these matrix elements

A1 - the most happening of the lot, in many cases this is the shortest period, sample this

He - will u be friends with me?

She - SLAP (scenario 1)/ (shyly) (smile) eh-huh-yes

Alternately ( the long route, also shared with the A2 phase) -

He ( sitting in canteen/bus/local train) (staring into oblivion from where the girl would emerge) sigh!!! ( for the first 3 months ) followed by sharing class notes/office work( people from IT industry would relate to this)/smiling shyly when meeting with group of common friends. 6 months later, the togetherness grows into the B1/B2 phase.

B1 - the most awesome phase in a life of relationship. movies. long drives, unending phone calls, gifts, flowers, whispering on the phone, blank calls( a relic of the long gone by time when we only had landlines, and the girl's mom/dad/brother/sister picked up the phone) - the time when u know all about the girls likings, remember about the blue orchid that the girl praised at a friends birthday party, and you decide to blow up all your pocketmoney/more "Udhaar" to gift her the blue orchids bouquet on valentines/college passout day/last day in office....u agree to buy and wear a red polka dots jacket since the lady in question thinks you look awesome in it, (while everyone else around including your street dog barks against it), u never think twice about flipping out your credit card in a shopping spree with the girl, at the expensive coffee shops et al, and only think twice ( and thrice and n number of times) when ur card bill finally comes in...."bhaiya ye paisa kahan se chukaoonga main......???". In most cases the near sightedness keep growing in the phase until u have lost track of all friends and the only thing that you could look at is the lady in question. There are certain catalysts to the buildup phase, which lead to immidiate target market capture - things like outstation trips/onsite trips together, driving back on a bike in rain, accidently barging into the girls room when she has just come back from washing her hair ( the evergreen scene is residential colleges/IIT/IIMs etc), kisses n hugs, the first time the girl shared some of her most intimate secrets soaked with tears, and the guy offered his shoulder/shirt to wipe them away....even more effective is the kissing away the tears from the cheeks sequence (some cheek some guys have....eh:))

In most case the delineation of the current growth phase end is in bed, when the relationship life cycle reaches the zenith....the guy is on top of the world, and the girl overwhelmed with the gifts/attention/affection she is showered with. ( Corollary of the theory of relationships - if people do not agree to the theory, they have not yet reached the zenith, as what goes up also come down - As newton's law of gravity prophesised)

TO BE CONTINUED.....

musings mood again

sitting at a dhaba behind my school with a good friend of mine, i had a aloo parantha and egg bhurji for dinner....well for old times sake, and this friend stares at the happy face that i had, and said..."aaj fir kuch nostalgic sa likhega tu blog pe".....well i can not make my friend turn out to be a liar, can I???? so here goes another senti wali post another week, another aimlessly wandering 7 days....since last wednesday --> work followed by awesome dinner with friends, work, allnighter party, drive out of town, little work, work, work followed by nostalgic dinner at a dhaba which goes back 20 years in my life ( the dhaba at refugee market behind my hostel at modern school....some old times)..... days just seem to float past, and each new week, each new day comes back with the same feelings, same old story...high time i changed this pattern.... break free from the shackles, do something different..... way back there was a difficult hindi word that i had learnt - mrigtrishna (mirage), and when i reflect upon the last week capped by the dhaba dinner today...it seems to be the story of my life....that hostel life probably was the age of innocence- of sweet nothings in daily life, of a life sans air conditioners, of a 50 rupee pocketmoney, of cricket sessions in the sun, of simply chatting all night with room-mates, and jumping the school boundary to go get a parantha from the dhaba at 1 in night....there was no hurry, fursat ke din....when we had ambitions, and the urge to achieve them.... when all these sweet nothings had a meaning in everyday life.... that followed engineering, in an era when there were 3 engineering colleges in Delhi-NCR, we were the achievers....cracko.....!!! a job on campus followed by a world tour all paid by the employers under the garb of onsite trips, a stint at IIM where loads of others want to be, a job with a top consulting company, a wallet full of more debit and credit cards that the actual cash i ever carried to the dhaba ( that used to be 3 rupees for an egg paratha, and i carried 5 bucks to the dhaba:)), and at the same dhaba, i was nostalgic, but not happy- not content.....whew.... am i the only cribber, ( i realised that most posts on this blog are cribs) or others feel the same too.....not that I am against parties, against pubs and discs and 5K dinners, but somehow nothing seems to beat the basic parathas n chai on the hostel rooftop....why is it so? even today I want to go higher up in the professional career, and may be i would, I m doing pretty well for myself, I have managed a GOOD(ok people who know me would pounce on me for this) work life balance, and i yearn for a little more.... PS- thank dost, hope u now know why is it called the refugee market, and YES, you were the only girl in refugee market }-)

some feelings are universal.....

was just passing through some of the friend's blogs for the lack of nothing better to do, and then on to their friends, and so on....till i reached a blog, and there was this post on footloosedoll that caught my attention... there are certain themes which run across blogs, a lot of people crib about the life they are into, some sing odes to their love lives, a few people write shakespearean level lingo to convey their thoughts(the themes obviously i could not make out due to the greeko-latin english that people use), and then there is the story of broken hearts, like the one in the post above. Some of the lines from the post are simple super-imposable on just about everyone i know including yours truly, savour this "I want to leave behind all that I remember of you." "And while you’re at it, try to take away this stupid hope I have, that in reality, all this is just a scary dream. I promise you, one day, you will stop mattering. I promise myself, one day, very soon, I’ll start living again"

the words may be different, the thoughts are the same.....and this equally applies to people you called ur friends...."My best friend's wedding" was n;t a joke...and i have seen the best people falter....From the quant classes in MBA, i would really like to understand the probability of a breakup in any randomly picked up relationship....is it so close to 100%, or is it just that the people who are happy and successful with their relationships choose not to display it to the world at large, and so noone ever gets to know...

bleed, my heart, bleed silently....for every sob would bring out more broken hearts out of the closets...

for that peaceful easy feeling

Long time, since i wrote last....blame it on lethargy, and blame it on being busy in spurts.... Lots has happened since last time, and innumerable thoughts crossed my mind, every time i thought that i should write, and then i gave up. Would try to type in as much as i could recall, though the intensity would have subdued:) First and foremost, the Kanwar yatra passing through Delhi, every year, makes me think...we are running after money, material world, flashy cars, more money, high tech mobiles, and then there is this other India, where people are more than happy to walk across 300 kilometers or more over weeks and days, whatever be the religious significance, For us delhi-ites even religion is luxury item....we tend to go to the most flashy temple, where we feel happy about putting in obscene sums in the hundi/daan patra, the pandits judge you by the weight on the thali that you bring in, and the time in front of the idol varies directly with the "chadhawa" that you have offered, we go to temples in cars, and insist on parking the cars right in front of the temple, causing jams, all to please the gods....trying to buy god through money and limited time, and here are loads of people who are trying to please the gods by their own labour, no money, little dikhawa....and we call them old fashioned. these guys actually have 2 weeks of time on their hand to do what they feel is correct, how many of us in the cities have that luxury, for us weekends are shrinking and work hours increasing...we socialise with friends at pubs and discs, these people socialise with people all the way...beat that, and yours truly really wants to go "kanwar yatra" with friends, may be for no religious reason, but to simply have some quality time spent with friends, and may be that 200 km odd walk would do something good for weight loss , than months of gym:) This brings me to the next thought, and we have discussed this at office and among friends as to how we are becoming more and more unsocial, if that is the correct word. Every one i meet or talk to( OK - my age group +/- 5 years) seems to crib that the world has got more digitised now....more materialistic, we were kids and played badminton at nights, vish amrit, chain chain, and school cricket with paper and polythene balls....we played with no tools, just games out of nowhere, all you had to get was to catch hold of 2 or more people from your locality, parks were full of kids, and we knew the kids staying on the other extreme of the colony....you knew everyone, who ran fast, who studied where, and who had the maximum number of comics, and the best bats. now the kids play video games, chat on the computer, watch movies and that's the end of it, parents don't send kids to parks...or at best allow them to play the elite game of cricket. Till around 10 years back, rakhi and independence day used to all about kites....now its about sales and malls and movies, it used to be evening walks and parents taking kids to parks in the morning and evening, now its TV and saas bahu soaps, the only broken glass and window pane that you see is in TV ads.....and i have a serious question to all who read this post....don't you want to get back to those simpler times, i know money is important, but money is turning all of us into an endless rat race.....i love watching movies in multiplexes with tickets worth 200 bucks each, but the charm of actually standing in line for a 6.50 ticket at Priya was priceless.....we can buy almost everything everywhere, but you could not get the pleasure of being the last one running in the chain game, surrounded by chains of people everywhere, and laughing merrily at the person who was pulled by the chain, the weakest link, breaking off just before the other end of the chain caught you..... so how does this crib session fit into the marriage thing, well i really need to have a partner, who could enjoy the simpler things in life, as much as she could relish the materialistic world. someone who could go street shopping with me with equal ease as in a mall. someone who would not mind a drive into leh, only to fly back business class.....someone who could dream big, but with her feet to the ground, and her hand in my hand...... getting mushy, and also getting lethargic, now i would try and jot down things as they happen, so expect more posts here...till then, adieu!!

Picture - the Tranquil hills at Lansdowne, End June, The trip that made me even more city-hater

The travails of a marriage-able guy

hmmmmm......my obsession with all things marriage is growing, may be since these days everyone I meet(and that includes my mother everyday i reach back home), seems to be after my life to get married. Not sure if Darwin's theory of evolution talked about people mecessarily having to get married by 30 to survive or perish (aka giraffes streching their necks to survive) any which ways, here's may take on the marriage scenario, as it happens to you...any sembalance to anyone married or alive is purely coincidential.... 1. Age - 21-23 years well, it all starts when you finish your under graduate college, people in close vicinity get to know that you have landed with a campus offer paying more than what your dad earned after 25 years into a sarkaari job, and they pour in to congratulate, and then add some sweet nothings in their conversation with your mother, "acha hai, college se hi naukri mil gayi, ab to bas ek achi si ladki dekho aur shaadi kar do iski".....and then you have some arguments at your place, when all those girls you knew from childhood as family friends start being talked about as potential life mates.....lovely one-liner from "jab we met" - main to bada ho gaya par ghar wale bade nahi hue....:) anyways, u try and convince your parents that abhi to life shuru hui hai, lets see how the job goes and all 2. 22-24 years of age OK, job starts....and thats IT sector, the girl in the next cubicle/project appears so godly beautiful.....the affairs from college spill over and become even more dynamically romantic, now you have loads of money, and so u could graduate to a coffee shop from the earlier chai ki tapri....and multiplexes from those 7 rupee ticktes at Priya( all those who visited Priya prior to 2002 would relate to the charm of these 7 Rs tickets), and then some days you reach back home from office, only to realise that the far based uncle "jin ki beti bangalore se engineering kar rahi thi" is hoome, and for obvious reasons he becomes the most friendly uncle in the whole world, so very interested in knowing how your job is going....and before you know you have said "yes"....not to the uncle or your parents, but to the onsite manager at work, take the next available flight to US/ONsite...hopefully safely away from all the match making business. 3. 24-25 years The calls to US are damn costly, so u decide to teach your parents how to use email and chat, and before you know the emails are stuffed with profiles....in the hurry to get away from the scene u forgot that the onsite trip is going to get into even more trouble....your potential as a prospect goes even higher.....and you end up extending the onsite stay even if you hated the veggie whopper meals at burger king...."sad burgers to avoid a sadder(??) life....back home 4. 25-26 years Back in India, you realise that your parents had an amazing social circle, and that ur "khyati" has reached far and wide, all the people you never knew existed are mailing/sending you profiles.....you know it deep into your heart that half the girls also look for a hunk and they would possibly say no, the moment they saw the short and dark guy with specs, the pics start looking good and tempting, yet since there still are some sembalance of available girls in your own social circle, you plan to evaluate these options before jumping into the match making game of the parents. 5.26-27 years of age And now the parents are like damn serious, people around you are getting married, and the first fling that you had, the girl is married and has a kid now, and to make matters worse, she meets/calls your mother to break the baby shower news to her.....your best friend is married, and he makes sure that he pleads my mother to come for his wedding at all costs.....some friends....aag lagane mein sab se aagey......u decide its time to take a mid career break, and run away to a business school...ab koi berozgaar insaan ko kyun apni beti dega??? 6. 26-28 years And like all earlier tries, this try goes for a toss as well.....engineer with onsite experience, and then MBA underway at IIM.....dhar lo is ladke ko.....bhaiya, socho bande ke bhi baare mein, nahi karni use abhi shaadi....but you make sure that all those trips that you make back home , end up on a bitter note, what with the emotional blackmail from mothers......main pote ka munh dekhe bina hi chali jaaoongi.....jarror tera kisi ladki se affair chal raha hai, tu mujhe bata, mujhe koi problem nahi hai, usi se shaadi kar le tu....and now that is like rubbing salt in the wounds of a MBA student at IIM, bhai ladki hai kahan jis se chakkar chalega...:( The rest would follow.....

Weekend away from Madness....

OK, I have always thought of finally settling down in a small town when i am done with my corporate life, and with whatever limited knowledge I have about the cities, Lucknow and Patna, along with BHopal and Jaipur top the list. And this weekedn I was in Lucknow, I just felt that I really need to cut short the maddening corporate life that I am currently into, and well...settle down in one of these places. Well, to begin with, was in Lucknow on Thursday...and what a day it was, lazing around, with people, relatives and friends, who actually have time in their lives, they are also working, making money and carrying on with their lives, yet they have so much of peace and time in their lives, that I was jealous ;P Went "Gunj-ing" , had chaat and kulfi, and some amazing mango sessions, with taaje tode hue dussehri aam....and just to bring out the contrast in life, I was actually trying to attend to a official call while at Hazratgunj, while the rest of the people were enjoying shopping, and that was when I had actually applied for a chutti, and was on a vacation.....mera vacation aur unka working day...need i say more.... People talk to you as human beings, traffic is easy, and no one is in a hurry. People actually talk to you, "aap" is the order of the day than the "tu" we are all used to.....wtf am i doing with my life??? and as if to rub salt in my wounds, the next couple of days were at Siwan, a small town on UP-Bihar border, bang in the middle of the "purabiya" belt.....have some property there, and so have to go there every once in a while,used to actually go there and spend the entire vacations while in school there with my family---playing games in the huge house, and spending the veneings in AAm and Litchi bageechas, that's a place that belies every conventional logic we have, Delhi- AC is the order of the day, and here I was in Siwan, where there was no electricity for more than 4 hours in the 2 days that I was there, and there was no sweat, I could sit in the room inside the 100 year old house that we have, and there was cool breeze.the only time i needed bijli was to charge my cell:)....there are people who could tell you endless stories about your family, and you know the entire mohalla and a lot more people, when the person sitting in the municipal property tax department knows your family and the linkages within, I actually slept under the stars, on the roof of the house, gazing into the sky - into the millions of the stars, of all shapes and formations....staying in flats in delhi, ihad simply forgotten how stars look like, except for those late night ice creams at India Gate :) All this was at a level of city, but what stands out the most are the people, there are millionaires in Siwan, with shops and lands and businesses, and there are literal cliff hangers, people with chai shops who do not even earn say 50 bucks a day, and they are all happy, they know each other, and the families know each other, the chai wali from the chowk was actually sitting at our place, talking to my mother , who apparently is the "bahu of the town", the amazing thing was that she was happy and content with what she ws doing, unlike all of us thouroghbred MBA and engineers who think two hoots before jumping another job for a few thousand or few lakhs.....businesses open at 530 in morning only to close at 10 in the morning and then open again in evening- 5-8 , since it was too hot in the afternoon, and people wanted to just go back home...you could actually survive with 20 rupees for 3 square meals in the day, and yet again no one was in a hurry....I really wish there was a way that i could go back and do something in Siwan, something that ll keep me busy, and gets me money too, and I'll be more than happy to go there and settle down. One of my batchmates, NItesh , belongs to Ptna, has a job in Patna with a multinaitonal salary....and i feel there is no way anyone can beat it..... come to think of it, what keep these people happy.....is it the simplicity of thought?? or is it the lack of oneupmanship.....I may be a pauper living on literally nothing, but people were calm and would offer tea to anyone who comes to them.....why can all of us not be like them, what do they have or know that we don't??

Thoughts on marriage

Almost a week since last post, and the week has been the same old one...one of my very good old friends had some peculiar issues about her marriage, something that I could not think of a simple way out, but it leads me to think of an even more important point in the whole issue of marriage.... OK, in a nutshell, the guy had a long lost affair before he got married to this friend of mine, and now the ex is back for a short stint with the flame rekindled, leading to turmoil in all lives concerned. My Friend, let call her S, has a difficult situation at her hands, and there are no shortcuts or knee jerk reactions possible here. There is this other friend who insists that such things would keep happening in a arranged marriage, if either the guy or girl has a pre-marriage affair or relationship, and to an extent I feel she is right, but at the same time a lot depends upon the people under question and their maturity. Not everyone would do what S's husband is (apparently)upto. But here's the pertinent question- as human beings which are always thinking, would such a relationship be viable, or would the entire life be always a comparative study between the first flame and spouse? Another discordant view comes from the psued people who have multiple relationships before marriage- now would complicate matters further- since there would be more points of comparison, or would it be more simpler, since there are no set benchmarks, and the special relationships would not be there to compare, I do not know the answer, and would really want to understand. OK, Why m i pondering over it, since i m also trying to look for someone right now(??), and have no idea as to what impact it may have on the choice of girl. The simplest way out would be to fall in love with a girl, get to know her, and then settle down with her...picture perfect, but the same is not possible always....in fact that has an inherent problem attached, you never get to see the back of the person you claim to love, since more often than not, you are enamored by the "power of love" so i m back to the square one....no ways of marrying is a foolproof way, it appears that i had a chance, and i squandered it away....is it too late now??

Dinner, Marriage and the way time flies

was out with friends a while back for dinner, and somehow there was a small remark about marriage- nothing serious, but it made me think - why is it that marriage is so much a part of our culture, that it has to appear anywhere are everywhere in discussions and chit chat, ok, it was not being discussed today, but was just a part of leg pulling, but still.... as i look at it, marriage is about a lot of companionship, a lot of being together, and a part of the being together in bed(well i have tried to be use axioms for the bed part, we all know what it is)....and so companionship is the key...you should be able to connect to the person, and that is where the indian society stands on its head, how can you be sure that you connect, and if you guys are not sure, how do you take the plunge? and what if the plunge drowns you and never let u resurface??? ok, i know this is a rather pessimistic view of the entire thing, after all almost all the people we know, or most of them have got hooked up this way. shady hai bhai!!! ok, back to dinner.....went to bercos' - good starters, not so good main course, and followed by an amazing coffee at CCD....wrote on tissues, and cards and bills after like ages.....f@#$ yaar its like more than a decade out of school and would soon be a decade outta college....., someone mentioned that arts faculty has not changed for some time, as long as i could remember arts faculty was like going thru permanent renovation, and so was all the main campus.....seems like yesterday.... ok, i still have nt decided or thought over if the blog is gonna have a cenntral theme, besides of course ME, but maybe i would just ramble for sometime till i get the hang or regular blogging.....any ideas , any one..??