The Theory of Relationships....

a few days i had posted(OK- copy pasted) from footloosedoll, about the pain of separating/break-up/letting go of someone you loved for dearly, last evening stumbled upon this. Similar line of thought....

In management - especially marketing courses we had these product lifecycle curves.....they start slowly, grow , and finally decline....

Somehow the relationship cycles are similar in nature, OK i know, a lot of people who are in love/relationships right now (really, or is it an infatuation??) would not agree to my theory of relationships life cycle...but may be would once they are on the leeward side of the curve Well, most posts mentioned above are from people who are at the extreme right end of the curve....they have been through a relationship, see sawed through the ups and downs, and are now feeling dumped at the other end. This is the basis of my now presented - "Theory of relationships" . All non-blood opposite sex relationships in the age bracket of 15-40 could be explained by the theory......don't believe me, read on The left part of the curve as shown above is like really something everyone knows....what with almost everyone i know having been through 1- Love affairs/romantic relationships

2- good friends/buddies/platonic relationships ( whether they exist in absolute terms or not is a different question altogether)

3- Arranged marriage mode/courtship period ; etc

however in each of these modes.....what really happens is this ( this is the consulting mind at its best....life through 3X4 matrix...he he }-)) ,

And now for the symptoms of each of these matrix elements

A1 - the most happening of the lot, in many cases this is the shortest period, sample this

He - will u be friends with me?

She - SLAP (scenario 1)/ (shyly) (smile) eh-huh-yes

Alternately ( the long route, also shared with the A2 phase) -

He ( sitting in canteen/bus/local train) (staring into oblivion from where the girl would emerge) sigh!!! ( for the first 3 months ) followed by sharing class notes/office work( people from IT industry would relate to this)/smiling shyly when meeting with group of common friends. 6 months later, the togetherness grows into the B1/B2 phase.

B1 - the most awesome phase in a life of relationship. movies. long drives, unending phone calls, gifts, flowers, whispering on the phone, blank calls( a relic of the long gone by time when we only had landlines, and the girl's mom/dad/brother/sister picked up the phone) - the time when u know all about the girls likings, remember about the blue orchid that the girl praised at a friends birthday party, and you decide to blow up all your pocketmoney/more "Udhaar" to gift her the blue orchids bouquet on valentines/college passout day/last day in office....u agree to buy and wear a red polka dots jacket since the lady in question thinks you look awesome in it, (while everyone else around including your street dog barks against it), u never think twice about flipping out your credit card in a shopping spree with the girl, at the expensive coffee shops et al, and only think twice ( and thrice and n number of times) when ur card bill finally comes in...."bhaiya ye paisa kahan se chukaoonga main......???". In most cases the near sightedness keep growing in the phase until u have lost track of all friends and the only thing that you could look at is the lady in question. There are certain catalysts to the buildup phase, which lead to immidiate target market capture - things like outstation trips/onsite trips together, driving back on a bike in rain, accidently barging into the girls room when she has just come back from washing her hair ( the evergreen scene is residential colleges/IIT/IIMs etc), kisses n hugs, the first time the girl shared some of her most intimate secrets soaked with tears, and the guy offered his shoulder/shirt to wipe them away....even more effective is the kissing away the tears from the cheeks sequence (some cheek some guys have....eh:))

In most case the delineation of the current growth phase end is in bed, when the relationship life cycle reaches the zenith....the guy is on top of the world, and the girl overwhelmed with the gifts/attention/affection she is showered with. ( Corollary of the theory of relationships - if people do not agree to the theory, they have not yet reached the zenith, as what goes up also come down - As newton's law of gravity prophesised)

TO BE CONTINUED.....

musings mood again

sitting at a dhaba behind my school with a good friend of mine, i had a aloo parantha and egg bhurji for dinner....well for old times sake, and this friend stares at the happy face that i had, and said..."aaj fir kuch nostalgic sa likhega tu blog pe".....well i can not make my friend turn out to be a liar, can I???? so here goes another senti wali post another week, another aimlessly wandering 7 days....since last wednesday --> work followed by awesome dinner with friends, work, allnighter party, drive out of town, little work, work, work followed by nostalgic dinner at a dhaba which goes back 20 years in my life ( the dhaba at refugee market behind my hostel at modern school....some old times)..... days just seem to float past, and each new week, each new day comes back with the same feelings, same old story...high time i changed this pattern.... break free from the shackles, do something different..... way back there was a difficult hindi word that i had learnt - mrigtrishna (mirage), and when i reflect upon the last week capped by the dhaba dinner today...it seems to be the story of my life....that hostel life probably was the age of innocence- of sweet nothings in daily life, of a life sans air conditioners, of a 50 rupee pocketmoney, of cricket sessions in the sun, of simply chatting all night with room-mates, and jumping the school boundary to go get a parantha from the dhaba at 1 in night....there was no hurry, fursat ke din....when we had ambitions, and the urge to achieve them.... when all these sweet nothings had a meaning in everyday life.... that followed engineering, in an era when there were 3 engineering colleges in Delhi-NCR, we were the achievers....cracko.....!!! a job on campus followed by a world tour all paid by the employers under the garb of onsite trips, a stint at IIM where loads of others want to be, a job with a top consulting company, a wallet full of more debit and credit cards that the actual cash i ever carried to the dhaba ( that used to be 3 rupees for an egg paratha, and i carried 5 bucks to the dhaba:)), and at the same dhaba, i was nostalgic, but not happy- not content.....whew.... am i the only cribber, ( i realised that most posts on this blog are cribs) or others feel the same too.....not that I am against parties, against pubs and discs and 5K dinners, but somehow nothing seems to beat the basic parathas n chai on the hostel rooftop....why is it so? even today I want to go higher up in the professional career, and may be i would, I m doing pretty well for myself, I have managed a GOOD(ok people who know me would pounce on me for this) work life balance, and i yearn for a little more.... PS- thank dost, hope u now know why is it called the refugee market, and YES, you were the only girl in refugee market }-)

some feelings are universal.....

was just passing through some of the friend's blogs for the lack of nothing better to do, and then on to their friends, and so on....till i reached a blog, and there was this post on footloosedoll that caught my attention... there are certain themes which run across blogs, a lot of people crib about the life they are into, some sing odes to their love lives, a few people write shakespearean level lingo to convey their thoughts(the themes obviously i could not make out due to the greeko-latin english that people use), and then there is the story of broken hearts, like the one in the post above. Some of the lines from the post are simple super-imposable on just about everyone i know including yours truly, savour this "I want to leave behind all that I remember of you." "And while you’re at it, try to take away this stupid hope I have, that in reality, all this is just a scary dream. I promise you, one day, you will stop mattering. I promise myself, one day, very soon, I’ll start living again"

the words may be different, the thoughts are the same.....and this equally applies to people you called ur friends...."My best friend's wedding" was n;t a joke...and i have seen the best people falter....From the quant classes in MBA, i would really like to understand the probability of a breakup in any randomly picked up relationship....is it so close to 100%, or is it just that the people who are happy and successful with their relationships choose not to display it to the world at large, and so noone ever gets to know...

bleed, my heart, bleed silently....for every sob would bring out more broken hearts out of the closets...

The earth and the sun....too much heat??

there was the sun, which was the center of my universe, which gave me heat, gave me energy...and made sure i would not freeze to death, it initiated the life on the planet, gave the life the support it needed, and then as earth i started evolving....from the freezing isolated sphere of rock, there were green shoots, and more life evolved, there was sound, noise and greenry, the sun still supported the evolution, and - it was the earth in full bloom...life everywhere, lively, and cheerful. until one day, the rays of the sun started penetrating the protective atmosphere with its heat, killing the liveliness....trying to gain the earth again, may be it was bit natural, the earth was in the solar system only, still got its heat, but only now the earth used the heat that it wanted to, the evolution was now for the earth to take forward, and the sun was still the center of the universe....would the sun realize the power it still has on the planets around, but the planets are sustainable, not without the energy of the sun...each planet now has its own orbit, but it still hovers around the sun....would the sun ever understand???

for that peaceful easy feeling

Long time, since i wrote last....blame it on lethargy, and blame it on being busy in spurts.... Lots has happened since last time, and innumerable thoughts crossed my mind, every time i thought that i should write, and then i gave up. Would try to type in as much as i could recall, though the intensity would have subdued:) First and foremost, the Kanwar yatra passing through Delhi, every year, makes me think...we are running after money, material world, flashy cars, more money, high tech mobiles, and then there is this other India, where people are more than happy to walk across 300 kilometers or more over weeks and days, whatever be the religious significance, For us delhi-ites even religion is luxury item....we tend to go to the most flashy temple, where we feel happy about putting in obscene sums in the hundi/daan patra, the pandits judge you by the weight on the thali that you bring in, and the time in front of the idol varies directly with the "chadhawa" that you have offered, we go to temples in cars, and insist on parking the cars right in front of the temple, causing jams, all to please the gods....trying to buy god through money and limited time, and here are loads of people who are trying to please the gods by their own labour, no money, little dikhawa....and we call them old fashioned. these guys actually have 2 weeks of time on their hand to do what they feel is correct, how many of us in the cities have that luxury, for us weekends are shrinking and work hours increasing...we socialise with friends at pubs and discs, these people socialise with people all the way...beat that, and yours truly really wants to go "kanwar yatra" with friends, may be for no religious reason, but to simply have some quality time spent with friends, and may be that 200 km odd walk would do something good for weight loss , than months of gym:) This brings me to the next thought, and we have discussed this at office and among friends as to how we are becoming more and more unsocial, if that is the correct word. Every one i meet or talk to( OK - my age group +/- 5 years) seems to crib that the world has got more digitised now....more materialistic, we were kids and played badminton at nights, vish amrit, chain chain, and school cricket with paper and polythene balls....we played with no tools, just games out of nowhere, all you had to get was to catch hold of 2 or more people from your locality, parks were full of kids, and we knew the kids staying on the other extreme of the colony....you knew everyone, who ran fast, who studied where, and who had the maximum number of comics, and the best bats. now the kids play video games, chat on the computer, watch movies and that's the end of it, parents don't send kids to parks...or at best allow them to play the elite game of cricket. Till around 10 years back, rakhi and independence day used to all about kites....now its about sales and malls and movies, it used to be evening walks and parents taking kids to parks in the morning and evening, now its TV and saas bahu soaps, the only broken glass and window pane that you see is in TV ads.....and i have a serious question to all who read this post....don't you want to get back to those simpler times, i know money is important, but money is turning all of us into an endless rat race.....i love watching movies in multiplexes with tickets worth 200 bucks each, but the charm of actually standing in line for a 6.50 ticket at Priya was priceless.....we can buy almost everything everywhere, but you could not get the pleasure of being the last one running in the chain game, surrounded by chains of people everywhere, and laughing merrily at the person who was pulled by the chain, the weakest link, breaking off just before the other end of the chain caught you..... so how does this crib session fit into the marriage thing, well i really need to have a partner, who could enjoy the simpler things in life, as much as she could relish the materialistic world. someone who could go street shopping with me with equal ease as in a mall. someone who would not mind a drive into leh, only to fly back business class.....someone who could dream big, but with her feet to the ground, and her hand in my hand...... getting mushy, and also getting lethargic, now i would try and jot down things as they happen, so expect more posts here...till then, adieu!!

Picture - the Tranquil hills at Lansdowne, End June, The trip that made me even more city-hater

The story of my life....

Thanks to kid for sharing this on facebook.....Somehow the scrip says it all

Credit/Source : http://www.ice-tray.net/

Musings on Religion

The other day, there was a discussion about religion and the babas in the office, and i felt it may be a good idea to pen(ok, type:) my thoughts here. Well, the census of India and my passport says that I belong to the religion- Hindu. I take pride in being a hindu, i do believe in god, but i may not be a devout hindu by the scale of worshipping. I may be a hindu by the way of life, and that is the major characterstic of hinduism - the concept of dharma. All other religions that you could think of, have been initiated by god's incarnataions, there was one preacher. They were defined in a certain manner and listed out the do's and don't of the world. You had to do so and so to be a good person of the faith. The only religions that i could make out, which do not point to a single preacher are hinduism, jewish and Zoroastrian( i hope i spelled it right- that's parsee for us). Well, the amazing point about hinduism is that it has not only retained its unique way of life, it has grown to become the third largest followership in the world- whereas parsees today are a dying breed, and Jewish influence is limited to a small around 50 million followers( that too by lineant estimates). This is what makes me proud to be a hindu- noone told me what to do, what not to do, and the concpet of right and wrong was open to people's understanding subject to a overarching guideline- that follow your karma , and the goods would follow. HInduism is not about amassing hordes of things , its about "Tyaag" or giving up the worldly pleasures. We have had saints and other interpreters whose control amuses not just the foreigners but also some of us worldly indians. And then here comes the twist in the tale- why are we so hellbent upon ruining the religion or the way of life that is the identity of all of us. WHy do we need baba's and sant's of all hues and cries, trying to tell us what to do and what not to do. IN the hindu scheme of things saint's ar ethe people who are away from worldly gains, then why do these baba's go out flying in the business class, and then travelling on SUV's to the remote places where massive tents have been laid, trying to convince people about the afterlives. Inka Tyaag kahan hai??? and who are they to interfere in my religious lives which is very personal to me. And i love when these baba's open social service institutes, saying that they marry poor girls, teach kids et al- appreciated, but then where does the need to have precious real estate for ashrams come in? why do they need to pay the sadhna and astha channels of the world, to get a prime slot, so that they could pass their messages to more unsuspecting people. And then there are my favorite religious fanatics who claim that the religion is under threat from other religions- excuse me- you guys never cared for the lower classes, and when they convert you are worried. Bhai aapne unhe pehle to hindu nahi samajha tha, ab itna pyaar kyun. My religion says that "har jeev mein atma hai, jo parmatma ka ansh hai" then why kill any one else, they are the same jeevs, they have the same atma and the same ansh of parmatma. they only believe in another god-so what?? why kill them in riots and otherwise. One of my good friends from office had the penchant of being vocally anti muslim, since they are out to eradicate hindus and india. And he had no dearth of the academicians from the hindu side of things to show the data and arguments for it. And he always maintained that that is the correct view of things, i don't and we always had arguments on his facebook profile on the articles he posted. The third category that really pisses me off are the devout everyday religious zealots. people who love to spend hours together in poje, running from one of the temples to another, and then go out in their daily routine screwing up the lives of people around them by their actions, and then go to the ganga and jamuna of the world to wash away their sins. All temples in delhi are full of these, people who would drive a luxury car to the temple since they could not walk that 200 m to the temple, wearing the heavy gold chains with kurta pajamas bribing the pundit a 500 rupee note, and then drive back possibly hitting and spanking a poor rickshaw wala on the way. Looting poor people through their overpriced businesses, and then earning "punya" by the way of a langar on amavasya. I remember the time when we were in the US, and had gone out to a road trip to pittsberg, one of my friends was bent upon visiting every single temple in the town( ok, there are close to 5 temples there that we knew of) and leaving out the other parts of the town in our itineary. when asked why he wants to do it his answer was "mandir jaane se shanti milti hai dil ko" to which my remark was " agar ek mandir jaane se shanti nahi mili to 5 mein ja ke bhi nahi milegi", and then he wasa quiet for some time and then roared back " main jaoonga, tu kar le jo karna hai"....so much for dil ki shanti and worship. To the dismay of the centrists, i am a Narendra Modi fan, not since during his regime people were killed, they should not have, and we are still getting flak for it, but because he did what his dharma wanted him to do, he has made life better for people in his state, and that is what a true hindu should be doing, doing his tasks better and in best possible way. I do not know when he goes to temples, whether he does or not, (surprisingly indian media does not seem to be interested in that), compared to say a Lalu Yadav, who turned vegetarian when "lord Shiva" ordered him to be (some shradha towards shiva)and then screwed up some 80 million people in Bihar. THat is my view about religion. and why just politics, such examples are abound in almost all areas of life. Too much for the things I do not like, what i like about my religion is simple- It does not stop me from doing anything as long as i do not step on some one else. So you could have hindus who eat meat and chicken, and other who do not even eat onion and garlic. Its their belief and they could live with it. People would get drunk to hell on alcohol, and then remain a teetotaller. There are 33 crore gods and goddesses, and so its to each person their own, you could worship god in your own ways-katha, aarti, meditation, mantras, and anything and everything you wish, for me it is simple remembering god once a day for a minute or a split second. Any god would do, or simply any thought would do.

Some Good Readings

The last year or so has been different in the way that I started getting into reading blogs and opinions on the web a lot more than earlier, and this has given me a different insight into the information that is generally not available or is distorted in the media. Blogs definitely are a good media to understand the undercurrents of the society that we live in, or the places we want to know about. The discussions that these blogs generate as comments is another indicator of the emotions that the particular issues evokes among people who are on the opposite side of the discussions. A few of the blogs that I have read, and commented on are from different genres, and I would like to share them on my blog so that i could do my bit in order to spread the word. These are from different areas of interests, and they may or may not be the best available writers or blogs on the particular subject, yet i read them more or less regularly, and appreciate the points of view raised in these (i may not agree to them though) The reviews about the blogs are purely my own, and i am not too sure about the IPR issues , if any of these blog owners feel offended because of what i write here, please mail me and i would delete the portions. OK, so here goes, the first set of blogs are about Kashmir. I have had some fascination for kashmir for some time, one since my roommates in school hostel were from Kashmir, muslims from Srinagar and Anantnag districts, and then I had a good friend in college who was a Kashmiri Pandit, and again a good friend at my workplace, another kAshmiri Pandit boy, who finally got married to a kashmiri pandit girl, he met in a refugee camp in Jammu....(now that's a romantic fairy tale)....and so when i started reading non fiction, many of these books were about kashmir....i remember, there were multiple books from MJ Akbar, Bashrat Pir, Karan Singh, Sheikh Abdullah, and numerous others, and i did have heated discussions with people all over the place about them. I have personally been to Kashmir- once to Srinagar for a marriage in the heart of old srinagar, the hotbed of anti india feelings, and next to Amarnath, staying enroute at Srinagar, sonmarg, Pahal gaam, and anantnag, where the idea was to meet as many people as i could than the pilgrimage. ANyways there is this blog from Koshur I read is often, and do comment on them too. I have had discussions and arguments with Koshur and others from the Kashmir side of opinions, and then there are regulars who post the iNdian view. THe discussions range from emotional diatribes, to logical reasoning and outright religious fights, but the fact is it gives an amazing view of things from a Kashmiri viewpoint which is not very evident otherwise. There are other blogs too, but then they range from outright propaganda about atrocities in kashmir(similar in concept to what is blamed a lot on indian media), and the rest about poetics and pain. THere is another blog from Saadat which is not very regular but nonetheless very enriching. More on these blogs in detail later. There are more blogs about Pakistan that I read- one called Fiverupees there is another one called CHUP - changing up pakistan, and then there is this website called Global voices online which acts as a consolidator of blogs from around the world. Well, for all we know, these blogs may not be representative of the actual mindset of people, sinc efor a place like Kashmir or Pakistan , people who blog are going to be the educated elite with access to PC and internet and english knowledge (compared to poor poeple in these places who can nto even have two square meals), yet they are better than the impersonal reporting that news and formal media reports. Again these blogs have an uncanny capability to ould opinions of the people who rely on these blogs for the situation on the ground.And that makes the authority of the blog owners a little important. I know that this post is vastly different from whatever has been posted on this blog(well this is more serious, if you believe me). I would try and write about anything that is top of my mind on a particular day. Mera blog hai bhai :)

The travails of a marriage-able guy

hmmmmm......my obsession with all things marriage is growing, may be since these days everyone I meet(and that includes my mother everyday i reach back home), seems to be after my life to get married. Not sure if Darwin's theory of evolution talked about people mecessarily having to get married by 30 to survive or perish (aka giraffes streching their necks to survive) any which ways, here's may take on the marriage scenario, as it happens to you...any sembalance to anyone married or alive is purely coincidential.... 1. Age - 21-23 years well, it all starts when you finish your under graduate college, people in close vicinity get to know that you have landed with a campus offer paying more than what your dad earned after 25 years into a sarkaari job, and they pour in to congratulate, and then add some sweet nothings in their conversation with your mother, "acha hai, college se hi naukri mil gayi, ab to bas ek achi si ladki dekho aur shaadi kar do iski".....and then you have some arguments at your place, when all those girls you knew from childhood as family friends start being talked about as potential life mates.....lovely one-liner from "jab we met" - main to bada ho gaya par ghar wale bade nahi hue....:) anyways, u try and convince your parents that abhi to life shuru hui hai, lets see how the job goes and all 2. 22-24 years of age OK, job starts....and thats IT sector, the girl in the next cubicle/project appears so godly beautiful.....the affairs from college spill over and become even more dynamically romantic, now you have loads of money, and so u could graduate to a coffee shop from the earlier chai ki tapri....and multiplexes from those 7 rupee ticktes at Priya( all those who visited Priya prior to 2002 would relate to the charm of these 7 Rs tickets), and then some days you reach back home from office, only to realise that the far based uncle "jin ki beti bangalore se engineering kar rahi thi" is hoome, and for obvious reasons he becomes the most friendly uncle in the whole world, so very interested in knowing how your job is going....and before you know you have said "yes"....not to the uncle or your parents, but to the onsite manager at work, take the next available flight to US/ONsite...hopefully safely away from all the match making business. 3. 24-25 years The calls to US are damn costly, so u decide to teach your parents how to use email and chat, and before you know the emails are stuffed with profiles....in the hurry to get away from the scene u forgot that the onsite trip is going to get into even more trouble....your potential as a prospect goes even higher.....and you end up extending the onsite stay even if you hated the veggie whopper meals at burger king...."sad burgers to avoid a sadder(??) life....back home 4. 25-26 years Back in India, you realise that your parents had an amazing social circle, and that ur "khyati" has reached far and wide, all the people you never knew existed are mailing/sending you profiles.....you know it deep into your heart that half the girls also look for a hunk and they would possibly say no, the moment they saw the short and dark guy with specs, the pics start looking good and tempting, yet since there still are some sembalance of available girls in your own social circle, you plan to evaluate these options before jumping into the match making game of the parents. 5.26-27 years of age And now the parents are like damn serious, people around you are getting married, and the first fling that you had, the girl is married and has a kid now, and to make matters worse, she meets/calls your mother to break the baby shower news to her.....your best friend is married, and he makes sure that he pleads my mother to come for his wedding at all costs.....some friends....aag lagane mein sab se aagey......u decide its time to take a mid career break, and run away to a business school...ab koi berozgaar insaan ko kyun apni beti dega??? 6. 26-28 years And like all earlier tries, this try goes for a toss as well.....engineer with onsite experience, and then MBA underway at IIM.....dhar lo is ladke ko.....bhaiya, socho bande ke bhi baare mein, nahi karni use abhi shaadi....but you make sure that all those trips that you make back home , end up on a bitter note, what with the emotional blackmail from mothers......main pote ka munh dekhe bina hi chali jaaoongi.....jarror tera kisi ladki se affair chal raha hai, tu mujhe bata, mujhe koi problem nahi hai, usi se shaadi kar le tu....and now that is like rubbing salt in the wounds of a MBA student at IIM, bhai ladki hai kahan jis se chakkar chalega...:( The rest would follow.....

Some more random thoughts

ok, been almost a month since i wrote here, blame it on low moods. The last month has been a little different, in more ways than one. Met some amazing people, and then well, seemingly lost some. There is this person I know, who is even more confused about marriage than I am, and somehow, it turns out to be an "ajeeb" sa conversation every time we talk or meet. All doubts that she has are very valid, but the trouble is, that there are no straight answers to this entire question of gambling with a life partner. THere is this stupid theory that came to my mind - is getting marrie drequired since everyone else around you is doing the same, and thus the same group of people you spend the maximum time with, are all married, and thus the entire set of people around you changes, and these new friends do not connect to you the same way as earlier, and over aperiod of time the loneliness gets on to you, and you too decide to throw the hat in the ring. Work wise, i felt really odd about a co-worker's attitude- not sure if that is a figment of imagination, or reality(i feel the latter is correct), and i m at a loss to put a reason to the same. This person used to a be good company in the office, and then suddenly its abruptly too formal. I have no qualms about formal behaviour, but then i would love to know the reason, since that is something that helps me always. NOt that I am good with handling criticism, still somethings help!! Office mein having good friends is actually pretty difficult since mor eoften than not, there is this invisble peer pressure and competition that exists, and thus i feel all the more odd about this entire event( the only shit area is that i do not knwo what event?) i know the above post is a completely uncoherent piece of mind, but well that's what a blog is supposed to be:)